This past summer something happened in my life that pushed me past the edge of my existence as I believed it to be. Even as I fell headlong over the brink, my God I realized had been indeed holding me. I ,with the busyness of "life" had not noticed for some time just how close He always IS. I was brought to this state of being "truly awake" through an almost constant prayer filled study of His living words,a forced fast and brothers and sisters praying for me hourly,even while not in my presence. Why does it take a heart stopping calamity to cause me to shed my "inhibitions" and desperately open up to Jesus "just as I am" and to put forth effort into my relationship with Him? I know life has chores and things that must be done,plus the whole "all work and no play makes Joe a dull boy" syndrome,so add in some entertainment,children,church,husbands needs,friends needs,work........It can't be a matter of spending all day in quiet time because friends feel sorry for you and take care of kids and chores to be able to a "high" with God. All though through that situation I saw Gods face as never before, I do not care to ever go through something like that again,so the conundrum...
I have slipped once again into the void of not noticing His daily call. Normal "life" has stolen it from my open unguarded hand. Oh, I still have a quiet time ,but not much. I still pray,but not with desperation. God have mercy on me.
"Turn to me and have mercy on me,as you always do to those who love your name. Direct my footsteps according to your word;let no sin rule over me. Redeem me from the oppression of men,that I may obey your precepts. Make your face shine upon your servant and teach me your decrees. Streams of tears flow from my eyes,for your law is not obeyed."